Struggling with pain

I thought I'm doing okay. Everything's fine, I am a strong woman and I can surpass anxiety, disappointments, depression..things will get better. I promise - My adolescent self.

Help me, I'm stuck with the past and the present. I'm hurting but no one likes to recognise what I'm f e e l i n g right now - My Child self.



I maybe a crazy woman or perhaps dysfunctional? It's okay, I'm going to be okay. I keep telling myself. I wanted to connect with my feelings but my mind is telling me that I don't need to be emotional, I have to be strong so I keep burying it every time it re-surface. I didn't know that I created my own pile. What a huge mess!

R E V I S I T I N G #pain

5 years ago

"I wish I never met you, I wish I never knew you" - common lines to our exes and blaming ourselves for falling over for some guy we knew right from the start, it will not work out but we keep pushing for it anyway.

Red flags: I knew something was wrong about us when you can't even introduce me to your parents properly and worst that they judge me before I met them. First time that I've experienced it, it was shocking, hurting, I feel so neglectful. I tried to talked to my friends about it, they all told me to walk away from the relationship. I, being an empath, having a dysfunction inner self did not recognise it.

I pushed forward, telling myself it's okay. I - can make it. There is no "we" on it.

I carried the burden for the first 6 months of the relationship. I felt so abandoned. Why I'm the only one trying to save a sinking ship while the other one is busy looking for faults.

I still stayed, with the positive mind that I - get this through.

Being neglectful, hurt, abandoned with no emotional support from friends made me a strong Adolescent self.

No matter how hard I try to address the dysfunction in our relationship, your family and friends see you as a loving, kind, healthy human being while I'm the crazy woman with too much negativity in life.

I keep making excuses for myself. Maybe I'm just selfish not to understand what you're going through, I accept that I'm dysfunctional and I have to fix myself so that our relationship will become better. Maybe I just have to be more patient and understanding with you -- all the maybes I did it for you!