Introduction

I'm in a toxic relationship. I was so confused over the years, I keep coming back to unhealthy relationship which I knew from the start I could have ended it earlier. Set me free from helpless state.

I have no support from family and friends. The only strength and resource I have is myself. I keep searching, discovering and learning the missing piece in my own puzzle called L I F E.

There have been few wake up calls but I ignored it a lot of times to the point that I don't recognise my own voice.

Before the year ends, I got a new job and was relocated in Malaysia. It paved the way to be "alone". I had more time to think of myself and came to conclusion of "this is not right anymore." I feel sad, I feel lonely, I'm not happy. I searched for podcasts on Spotify to help me "fix" my emotional state because I don't do sadness, loneliness, feelings.

I found Patricia Keele with her podcast "Relationship Fix". It introduced me to energy, vibrations and chakras. It was still looking for more depth, something that I can relate with my status. Through her podcasts, I accepted that I am not in a healthy state of my emotions. There's no more passion and motivation, my fountain of energy is all dried up.

After a week, I searched for "toxic relationship" on Spotify and Michelle Chelfant came on top of the result. At first I heard Pete's voice doing the introduction, thinking it's another narrative from a famous author/therapist. I opened the full list and saw the word "Codependency" - a familiar word to me. I'm hooked for 3 days! I didn't know it can open all feelings that I kept for so long inside.

Thank you Michelle Chelfant!

This is my journey to my child self, the child within me is still looking for her chair.